| 1. | Category: Computer jokes  |
| "Do you turn on your computer with your left hand or your right hand?"" My right hand."" Amazing!Most people have to use... more
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| 2. | Category: Computer jokes  |
| "This little computer," said the sales clerk, "will do half of your job for you." Studying the machine, the senior VP sa... more
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| 3. | Category: Computer jokes |
| - Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer? - Well, dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you a... more
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| 4. | Category: Computer jokes |
| ..... Ya see, we at Microsoft believe in making computing easier! What could be easier for consumers than having only ON... more
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| 5. | Category: Computer jokes |
| A caller, perplexed that his new desktop computer--the one that was supposed to do everything short of bringing on world... more
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| 6. | Category: Computer jokes |
| A confused caller was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said that it coul... more
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| 7. | Category: Computer jokes |
| A customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and... more
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| 8. | Category: Computer jokes  |
| A customer called to say he couldnt get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technici... more
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| 9. | Category: Computer jokes |
| A customer needed help setting up a new program, so the technician suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me... more
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| 10. | Category: Computer jokes |
| A customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes to the technician. A few days later a letter arrived from... more
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| 11. | Category: Computer jokes |
| A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The... more
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| 12. | Category: Computer jokes |
| A Engineer and an Programmer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Engineer leans over to t... more
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| 13. | Category: Computer jokes |
| A person turned on the computer without a keyboard plugged in.When she turns on the computer, the computer finds out tha... more
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| 14. | Category: Computer jokes |
| A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through s... more
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| 15. | Category: Computer jokes |
| A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am t... more
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| 16. | Category: Computer jokes |
| A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noti... more
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| 17. | Category: Computer jokes |
| A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a s... more
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| 18. | Category: Computer jokes |
| A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a s... more
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| 19. | Category: Computer jokes |
| A software verifier read in the Bible that God protects all fools, and decided to test it empirically. He jumped out of... more
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| 20. | Category: Computer jokes |
| A system programmer came home from work almost at dawn and told his wife enthusiastically: "Tonight I have installed a n... more
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| 21. | Category: Computer jokes |
| A tech support employee once received a call from a disgruntled lady who had purchase one of their PCs. "The cup holder... more
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| 22. | Category: Computer jokes |
| A technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer put the... more
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| 23. | Category: Computer jokes |
| A technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and invalid".... more
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| 24. | Category: Computer jokes |
| A technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldnt read word processing files from his old disk... more
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| 25. | Category: Computer jokes |
| After a caller gave a technician her PCs serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, "I see... more
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| 26. | Category: Computer jokes |
| After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady repute, the luckless customer unpacked his new toy and plugged it in to f... more
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| 27. | Category: Computer jokes |
| An exasperated caller to Tech Support couldnt get her new computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged i... more
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| 28. | Category: Computer jokes |
| An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the... more
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| 29. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Another customer called Tech Support to say her brand-new computer wouldnt work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged... more
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| 30. | Category: Computer jokes |
| As most technophiles are aware, there are special programs to run scanners. These programs use a TWAIN driver to perform... more
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| 31. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well Bill, Im rea... more
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| 32. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Comments made by Programmers when their programs dont work: Strange... Ive never heard about that. It did work yesterday... more
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| 33. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Computer helpline?Everytime I log onto the seven dwarfs website my computer screen goes snow white....... more
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| 34. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Computers are not intelligent.They only think they are.... more
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| 35. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.... more
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| 36. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Computers manufacturer is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of... more
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| 37. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Customer: "Hi, Im supposed to pack [zip] my database and send it to you. What should I pack it in?"... more
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| 38. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"... more
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| 39. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Customer: "Im running Windows 95." Tech: "Yes." Customer: "My computer isnt working now." Tech: "Yes, you said that."... more
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| 40. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Customer: "It says Ive performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. Have I done something wrong?"... more
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| 41. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Customer: "Ive been doing risk analysis by hand for five years, and we finally got your program so we could do it automa... more
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| 42. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Customer: "My disk is stuck in my disk drive. Clicking eject doesnt work." Tech Support: "Ok, turn the power to your Mac... more
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| 43. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Customer: "Wait, that password looks really gray. Im going to type it in again."... more
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| 44. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Customer: "Why didnt you tell me I have call waiting?" Tech Support: "Sir, we have no way of knowing if you have call wa... more
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| 45. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Customer: I think Ive got a bug in my computer.Repairman: Does your computer make a humming noise?Customer: Yes.Repairma... more
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| 46. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Dear Boss,I hope I havent misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K dates problem... more
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| 47. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Dear God: Yesterday was an awful day for me...My husband ran off with his secretary,My son pierced his eyebrow,My daught... more
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| 48. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking Im a computer.My goodness, youd better come to my surgery right away!I cant, my power ca... more
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| 49. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking Im a laptop computer.Youre just run down, let me give you some vitamins.No, thanks. But... more
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| 50. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "Youre all par... more
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| 51. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Got this email from a friend: CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?... more
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| 52. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Helpline? Ive just pushed a piece of bacon into my disk drive!Has the computer stopped working?No, but theres a lot of c... more
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| 53. | Category: Computer jokes |
| How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."... more
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| 54. | Category: Computer jokes |
| How do you stop your laptop batteries from running out?Hide their trainers.... more
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| 55. | Category: Computer jokes |
| How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?"Youre still thinking procedurally! A properly designed lig... more
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| 56. | Category: Computer jokes |
| How many IBM employees does it take to change a light bulb?Fifteen. Five to do it, and ten to write document number GC75... more
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| 57. | Category: Computer jokes |
| How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb?One, to generate a "ChangeLightBulb" event to the socket.... more
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| 58. | Category: Computer jokes |
| How many maintenance programmers does it take to change a light bulb?None. They try to fix the old one."We looked at the... more
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| 59. | Category: Computer jokes |
| How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?Just one, provided theres a programmer around to explain... more
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| 60. | Category: Computer jokes |
| I heard that if you play the Windows NT 4.0 CD backwards, youll get a satanic message. But the most frightening thing is... more
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| 61. | Category: Computer jokes |
| I overheard a woman in a computer store say to the sales assistant "I want a game capable of holding the interest of my... more
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| 62. | Category: Computer jokes |
| If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed...Oh, wait a minute, he already does.... more
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| 63. | Category: Computer jokes |
| If Microsoft built cars you would need to restart your car, then it would perform illegal operations and crash.... more
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| 64. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Ive been on my computer all night!Dont you think youd be more comfortable on a bed like everyone else?... more
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| 65. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Ive been sitting at this computer for hours and I havent seen a single website.Thats because youre supposed to sit facin... more
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| 66. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Jesus and Satan got into an argument over which of them was the better computer programmer. Finally God got tired of the... more
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| 67. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Many people in computer labs will assure you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they were doing everything correctly, and... more
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| 68. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Me: "What is that noise?" Customer: "Hey Martinez!! Im on the phone! Cut it out!" Me: "What was that?" Beep! Beep! Beep!... more
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| 69. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Mum, Mum, Dads broken my computer!How did he do that?I dropped it on his head.... more
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| 70. | Category: Computer jokes |
| My computer isnt that nervous. Its just a bit ANSI.... more
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| 71. | Category: Computer jokes |
| My computer made a funny sound the other day.Of course, Ive never heard it get thrown out a window before.... more
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| 72. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1... more
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| 73. | Category: Computer jokes  |
| One guy was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workst... more
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| 74. | Category: Computer jokes |
| One of Microsofts finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction... more
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| 75. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Pupil: In other schools, pupils get a choice of computers to use.Teacher: You get a choice her, too. Use the one weve go... more
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| 76. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q. How does Bill Gates enter his house?A. He uses "windows".... more
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| 77. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q. What creature has the best aptitude for engineering ?A. The spider -- It has its own website.... more
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| 78. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q: Complete the following word analogy: Add is to Subtract as Multiply is to: 1) Divide 2) ROUND 3) RANDOM 4) On a Penti... more
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| 79. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q: How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb? A: He doesnt. He declares darkness the industry standard.... more
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| 80. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb?A: One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve arou... more
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| 81. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have t... more
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| 82. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q: How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb?A: Four. One to ask "What is the registration nu... more
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| 83. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: 1.99904274017, but thats close enough for non-tec... more
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| 84. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q: How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, thats a hardware problem.... more
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| 85. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentiums floating point divider? A: "Life is like a box of chocolates..." (Source... more
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| 86. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q: What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium? A: Successive approximations.... more
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| 87. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant? A: A mad scientist.... more
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| 88. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q: What does a proud computer call his little son?A: A microchip off the old block.... more
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| 89. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q: What happens if you cross a midget and a computer?A: You get a short circut.... more
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| 90. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q: What is the difference between Windows 95 and Windows 98? A: 3 years... more
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| 91. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q: Whats another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums? A: The warning label.... more
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| 92. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q: Whats the best way to accelerate a Mac?A: 9.81 m/s2... more
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| 93. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q: Whats the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman? A: The car salesman can probably drive!... more
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| 94. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q: Which way did the programmer go?A: He went DATA way!... more
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| 95. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Q: Why didnt Intel call the Pentium the 586?A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605... more
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| 96. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Redmond, WA --Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will... more
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| 97. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?""Yes, well, Im having trouble with WordPerfect.""What sort of trouble?""W... more
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| 98. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Student: "Would it be possible to install Arabic language support on those computers?" Computer Teacher: "In order to us... more
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| 99. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Teacher: Look at the state of the school computer. I want that screen cleaned so I can see my face in it!Pupil: But then... more
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| 100. | Category: Computer jokes  |
| Teacher: Shall I put the school computer on?Pupil: No, Miss, the dress youre wearing looks fine.... more
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| 101. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Tech Support: "How may I help you today, sir?" Customer: "Hello...hey, er...I think Ive got the wrong software installed... more
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| 102. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Tech Support: "Which format are the images you send?" Customer: "Rectangular, 15x11 centimeters."... more
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| 103. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned o... more
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| 104. | Category: Computer jokes |
| The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.... more
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| 105. | Category: Computer jokes  |
| The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air.The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: "C... more
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| 106. | Category: Computer jokes |
| The problem with physicists is that they tend to cheat in order to get results.The problem with mathematicians is that t... more
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| 107. | Category: Computer jokes |
| The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball.""Thank you, daddy, but where is the users guide?"... more
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| 108. | Category: Computer jokes |
| The Three Laws of Secure Computing1) Dont buy a computer.2) If you do buy a computer, dont plug it in.3) If you do plug... more
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| 109. | Category: Computer jokes |
| There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the c... more
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| 110. | Category: Computer jokes |
| There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.When asked to define "great"... more
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| 111. | Category: Computer jokes |
| There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.When asked to define "great"... more
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| 112. | Category: Computer jokes |
| They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, "Where is my father?... more
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| 113. | Category: Computer jokes |
| This computer you charged me L950 for doesnt work....and you said it would be trouble free.It is, I charged you L950 for... more
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| 114. | Category: Computer jokes |
| This customer comes into the computer store. "Im looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, s... more
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| 115. | Category: Computer jokes |
| This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big... more
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| 116. | Category: Computer jokes |
| To err is human; but to really mess things up requires a computer.... more
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| 117. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Want to buy a pocket computer?No, thanks, I already know how many pockets Ive got.... more
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| 118. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Websters Dictionary definition of Windows 95Windows95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to... more
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| 119. | Category: Computer jokes |
| What did Bill Gates wife say to him on their wedding night?No wonder you called the company Microsoft... more
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| 120. | Category: Computer jokes |
| What did one keyboard say to the other keyboard?Sorry, youre not my type.... more
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| 121. | Category: Computer jokes |
| What did one mouse say to the other mouse?I get a click out of you.... more
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| 122. | Category: Computer jokes |
| What did the mouse say to the webcam?Cheese.... more
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| 123. | Category: Computer jokes |
| What do computer experts do at weekends?Go for a disk drive.... more
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| 124. | Category: Computer jokes |
| What do computers eat when they get hungry? Chips.... more
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| 125. | Category: Computer jokes |
| What do you do if your computer hums?Tell it to change its socsks!... more
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| 126. | Category: Computer jokes |
| What do you get if you cross a computer with a ballet dancer?The Netcracker suite.... more
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| 127. | Category: Computer jokes |
| What do you get if you cross a computer with a hamburger?A big mac.... more
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| 128. | Category: Computer jokes |
| What do you get if you cross a constable with a computer?PC Plod.... more
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| 129. | Category: Computer jokes |
| What do you get if you stuff your computers disk drive with herbs?A thyme machine.... more
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| 130. | Category: Computer jokes |
| What do you get if you take your computer to an ice rink?A slipped disk.... more
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| 131. | Category: Computer jokes |
| What happened when the computer fell on the floor?It slipped a disk.... more
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| 132. | Category: Computer jokes |
| What is a computer virus?A terminal illness.... more
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| 133. | Category: Computer jokes |
| What is an astronauts favorite key on a computer keyboard?The space bar.... more
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| 134. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Whats the difference between Windows 95 and a virus? A virus does something.... more
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| 135. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Whats the difference between your finger and a hammer?I dont know!Well, youre not using my computer keyboard then!... more
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| 136. | Category: Computer jokes |
| When do computers go to sleep?When its internight.... more
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| 137. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Where does an elephant carry its laptop?In its trunk.... more
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| 138. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Where is the best place to buy computer software?Washington C.D... more
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| 139. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Which football team to you need to connect up your computer?Leeds.... more
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| 140. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Which kind of ink do you put in your computers printer? Black, Red or Iced?Iced Ink?Well, yes you do, but I didnt want t... more
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| 141. | Category: Computer jokes |
| While trying to diagnose a problem over the phone I told the user to type out his autoexec.bat file.He said it said "Fil... more
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| 142. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Who holds up stagecoaches and steals laptop computers?Click Turpin... more
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| 143. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Who sits on Cinderellas keyboard?Buttons.... more
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| 144. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis?Because it is below C level.... more
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| 145. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Why did the computer act crazy?It had a screw loose.... more
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| 146. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Why did the dish and spoon hide their computer?The cat kept fiddling with i.t.... more
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| 147. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Why did the duck stick his leg into a computer?He wanted to have webbed feet.... more
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| 148. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Why did the duck stick his leg into a computer?He wanted to have webbed feet.... more
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| 149. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Why did the school bully kick the classroom computer?Someone told him he was supposed to boot up the system.... more
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| 150. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Why do computer teachers never get sick?Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.... more
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| 151. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?Because DEC 25 = OCT 31... more
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| 152. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Why was there a bug in the computer?It was looking for a byte to eat.... more
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| 153. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Would you like to buy a second-hand computer?Im afraid not. Im only able to type with one hand as it is.... more
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| 154. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner he told them: I need three important... more
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| 155. | Category: Computer jokes |
| You have just received the "Kentucky Virus"!!!As we aint got no programin experience, this here Virus works on the honor... more
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| 156. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Young Judy, the editor of a trivia publication, was having trouble with her computer. So she called Prem, the computer g... more
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| 157. | Category: Computer jokes |
| Youre spending a lot of time at that computer screen. Have you had your eyes checked?No, theyve always been blue!... more
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